my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A bitchslap is in order.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
