she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
