I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's shark week go big or go home
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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