The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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