I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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