Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
