Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
