Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
soo... how was my night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
