u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize