i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
