how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize