DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
