everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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