how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
