**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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