Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize