I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
