Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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