I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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