could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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