It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
