awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize