i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
do nipples grow back?
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