i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
