I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Of course I have a pirate flag
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
