my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize