Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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