i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
