I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize