I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
