I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
