Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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