are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
