I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
