I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
