If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
