I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
