You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
