so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
