My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize