She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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