I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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