what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize