Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
