He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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