The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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