After last night, I could never be a politician.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
