Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
