Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
