i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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