are you still at the devil's house?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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