I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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