come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
