One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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