Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
