The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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