A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
