So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
