plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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