So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
