Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
