1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize