I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize