Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
