First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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