I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
