I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
