my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
