my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
