soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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