omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
