i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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